Feelin like a Broken Record Around you

Hello Baby...my princess, my sweet Laura....I beg you forgive me on 2 things before I begin, first of all, I read your email yesterday evening and I could not find any words to describe what it is that I feel, heck I doubt I will do any better in this email, i have not awaken any smarter but just a little braver and with a burning desire to be able to someway and somehow explain what you are to me, but I doubt I will accomplish this feat either. Second of All, you will have to forgive my spanglish, I know now I am weiring in English buy I cannot predict in what language this email will end, you see as I told I think in English, English is the language of my mind....it's my quiet voice, it's cool, serene and collected, it never hesitates but usually has the answer right in front of me all the time, spanish however, is the language of my heart...it where my passion lies, where anger and love and trust and hate merge together into one big whirlwind of emotions and are plucked out at a whim...Spanish is my loud voice...it's the one you've been hearing so far...it's the one that I feel is closest to my true self, English will give me a schizophrenic ability in which it is possible for me to analyze myself from an outside point of view, quite objectively, that is until I open my mouth. So, with all that being said I must reference the title of this email, as it has shattered my thoughts and feelings and delusions of grandeur or what have you, I do not consider myself an artist....nor am as I arrogant to believe that I should be denominated a writer....I think everybody can write it just takes the right motivation or circumstances for this to happen, and a pen and paper, or a keyboard and screen as is this case( Like you have already noticed I am equally if not more redundant in English). But what I "had" believed up until these moments is that although I may not have the skills to write like the greats, my vocabulary is extense, I know my way around a couple of metaphors, and I can rearrange a sentence with "some" skill, but these kind of aptitudes seem to have shied away with you my sweet little girl. I feel like a broken record, a slave to such cliches as I love you more than life itself, I wish I could be with you every second of every day, or be mine, or together forever and ever to part and any other corny line that all these love songs that up until recently had made no sense to me, or had seemed to be fantasies.

You say you can't understand why I thank you so much? And just to be clear yesterday was just me bursting out of what already was and expressing my self the amount of gratitude that I have for you in incalculable, it cannot be measured and therefore I will not even attempt to perform such a futile act. Why thank you? hmmm, again it seems the most logical course of action.....I know I have already thanked Cesar for dragging me down to Letizia's birthday, for playing against the Russian roulette that had us so close but yet so far.....I know I have already thanked Letizia for even being born that day....my gratitude towards he existence turns into the reason for mine, which is you my dear....and I know I have already thanked God....this is not a subject that you and I dwell upon, certainly as every human being we may have our differences in our beliefs and a you have already experienced the fact that I am not what one would call "a conventional believer", not your run of the mill hallelujah saying, Christ screaming believer....but recently...regardless of the fact that I may not be behaving in ways that are totally of his liking....I find myself thanking God...over and over again....such a brief conversation between me and the Creator...it's usually just me crying myself to sleep, repeating..."Thank you GOD....thank you for Laura....I do not deserve her...but Thank you God....THANK YOU", this has been my mantra...my bedtime story....and the fact that I am with you has no other explanation than Faith.....it cannot to anything else but increase it.....I do not deserve you, and not because of my own self worth, do not mistake this for low self-esteem, as you already know I may have my trips and falls here and there but my self esteem is quite high on every other day.....but the reason I do not deserve you is because of what and who you are....such a spectacular masterpiece of a woman, it's no wonder the stars stay awake just to gaze at your beauty....and mind you I am not a bad person( few people are though so that is a poor excuse) but I am not a saint either, the choices I have made in life for my happiness or the pursuit of it have hurt many people, and I am not sorry that I made these choices, although I do not wish anybody any undue anguish. As some would say I have strategized(or manipulated) my way around many things, used the few advantages that I may have to compensate for the areas in which I lack, and again, with no regard for whom it may hurt or even benefit...I am quite the poker player in that sense, I will play the hand I have and gamble my chips where they lie...winner, loser, these are terms of perception...I prefer LIVER, because what is life but one choice after the other? So, a person whom I have described as totally careless for the feelings of others, the repercussions of their decisions, narcissistic to the nth degree, this is not a person that you would entrust with such a holy, sacred thing, such a precious and wonderful creation ...that is you my dear Laura....I cannot being to understand it and can't shake the feeling that someone must have made a mistake somewhere and you where intended for someone much more special, much more deserving of the kind of person that you are.....so I must finally say Thank you to the object of my affection, attention and adoration...Thank You Laura....for some reason I will never understand, some mistake in glasses or in the way you see me, you are here....at my side...prepared for anything...ready to cry at my shoulder if needed or to rip some one's head off in the name of us....I'm not done with this....but it's what you will get....for now...remember...Happiness thy name is Laura.....